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The Holy Trinity
Origin Thousands of years ago, way before Jesus put the dinosaur bones on Earth to confuse mankind, there existed three beings. These beings were known as Jesus Tap-Dancing Snakes, Raptor Jesus, and Awesome McChrist. These three mighty beings were formed from the foreskin leftover from the circumcised penis of Jesus Christ himself. Each being represented one of the following: Wisdom, Power, and Courage. Which being represented which is still to this day unknown. The Teenage Years Throughout high school, The Holy Trinity would wear leather jackets and tight jeans, smoke crack and marijuana, beat up on jocks and football players, and have occasional sexual relations with cheerleaders and younger female teachers. The Trinity earned a reputation for being incredibly badass, but they didn't have many friends seeing as they never actually attended any of their classes. Which in turn made them even more badass than they already were. After graduation, The Holy Trinity went on to make the world a better place, but something was missing. The Holy Trinity needed a purpose, a meaning. They needed a sworn enemy. T-Rex Satan Every great hero needs a great villain. And every holy group needs an unholy Satanic figure. T-Rex Satan was the sworn enemy of The Holy Trinity. Nobody truly knows the origin of T-Rex Satan, or maybe they do and I'm just too lazy to look it up. But either way, he appeared in San Diego in 1997, and began to reek havoc and destruction upon the Earth. The Holy Trinity put their Holy rings together and with their powers combined they formed the amazing Captain AIDS. However, Captain AIDS could not defeat T-Rex Satan. For you see, dinosaurs remained immune to such diseases as HIV and AIDS. There seemed to be no hope left for defeating T-Rex Satan. But then, something happened, as something usually does. Out of the midst, came a new hero, in the form of a many-tentacled being. This mystical creature defeated T-Rex Satan in a single blow. The Addition of Cthulhu Who was this mystical creature? Surely, he had to be an ally of the Holy Trinity, for he just defeated their sworn enemy T-Rex Satan. The hero was called Cthulhu, and he was in fact an ally of The Holy Trinity, so much so that he was soon added to the Trinity, thus forming The Holy Quartet. The Holy Quartet Three = Trinity. Four = Trinity? This was untrue, and The Holy Trinity knew this. How could they go around calling themselves a Trinity if there were four of them now, with the recent addition of Cthulhu? Simple: they had to change their name. Thus the Holy Trinity became The Holy Quartet. They began singing outside of various barbershops while fighting Hellish evils. Nothing could possibly go wrong. The Passion of the Raptor Something went wrong. Raptor Jesus was betrayed by the Great Big Kaydas. Stabbed in the back by what was thought to be a friend, Raptor Jesus was immediately terminated and crucified. It was a sad day for the Holy Quartet, which became The Holy Trinity again. Where are they today? After the loss of Raptor Jesus, the Holy Trinity soon fell apart. Each member became a victim of drugs, sex, or alcohol. The Holy Trinity was soon but a memory, as each being went his own separate way. But someday, when the world is in need of a hero, The Holy Trinity will return, and they will kick ass. For that is what The Holy Trinity does best: kick ass.